To me, divorce is a tragedy. Family is one of the most important things in this life to have, and to see it get torn apart is devastating to me.  Family is just so important to me, it's really emotional for me when I here of a couple getting a divorce.  In class, we discussed some of the processes of divorce.  Some divorces are legal issues, emotional, economic, community, co-parental, and psychic.  There are tons of reasons people get divorces, and most of those reasons fall under one of those types I listed. We also talked about some of the predictors of divorce.  Some people think it's the only option, some haven't seen their marriage as a healthy marriage, some follow destructive patterns, some start off their relationship with cohabitation, and some just simply marry too young before they are mature enough to handle it all.  The best way to prevent divorce is to be smart about who and how you date.  We talked about the three P's of dating, which include protect, preside, and provide.  For women, these are the things they need to look for in a man.  In dating, you find out if the man has any of these characteristics.  Also, dating is like practice for marriage.  What I mean by that is, when a guy picks up the girl for their date and takes her out, she is under his care, he is her protector for the time they are together.  When he pays for the date, he is showing he can provide for her.  Lastly, him being with her is him presiding.  If a man shows these in dating, then he will show them when you are married as well.  The way the world sees marriage is like a contract, but it is a covenant we make not only with our spouse but also with our Heavenly Father.  It isn't just a piece of paper that the law will recognize as a legal thing, it's more than that.  It's a sacrament.  That's why I find it so sad when I see or hear about a divorce, especially if there are children involved.  I understand that in some cases, divorce is the best option, but it still is a really sad thing.

Have you ever heard of a decision tree?  At the top, the question "Who owns the problem?" is asked.  The three branches are Parents, Children, and shared.  When parents are dealing with issues with their children, they really need to be calm and clear about how they handle it.  Parents need to respond instead of react.  If parents react, the children won't feel very comfortable coming to them with questions or problems they are having.  When we talked about this in class, a scene from a movie crossed my mind.  It's a movie called Bringing Down the House, with Steve Martin and Queen Latifa.  In the scene, Steve Martin's daughter went to a party and got into trouble, and when she got home Steve was furious.  Queen Latifa told him to keep calm and just listen to her and not over-react.  When he did this she said "I have so much more to tell you."  Since he stayed calm and didn't 'react', she felt more comfortable to tell him more.  And I think that goes along great with this topic.  If we respond caring and thoughtfully, our children will have confidence in coming to us with things they need help with.  We need to be active parents, especially in the world we live in today. Being a strong part of our children's lives and being there for them is so important.

In class, we talked about the purposes of parenting.  The surprising thing is, is that parenting is more for the parents than it is for the children.  Some of the things that we listed include things such as: transmit values and traditions, teach our children of God, to practice and develop Godly qualities, to become refined in the parenting process, for us to learn as we teach our children, it is our sacred duty, and we are to prepare our children to survive and thrive in this world.  Most of these things that involve parenting are learning experiences for the parents.  As we teach our children characteristics and principles of the Gospel, we truly learn more about those and it is an opportunity for us to set the example by following them.  In my Family 100 class, my teacher said "Telling isn't teaching."  We cannot just tell our children things and expect them to completely understand and learn, we have to show them what we want them to know by being an example for them. We also talked about parenting in gay marriages.  Children need to have a male and a female influence in their lives, when children have parents of the same sex, they are missing out on learning unique things that heterosexual parents can provide.  In the Family: A Proclamation to the World, it says that children are entitled to have a mother and a father.  I feel like having same sex parents are depriving those children of what they are entitled to have.  Also, the terms 'mother' and 'father' are taken away when there are same sex parents.  Parenting is something special that we are able to do, to bring children into this world and raise them according to the Gospel.

Love, love, love.  We are studying falling in love. ♥ There are four types of love: storge, philia, eros, and agape.  Storge is affections between family members, philia is love between friends, eros is love between husband and wife (erotic), and agape is love that is independent of one's feelings for another.  There are three dimensions of love: secure attachment style, which is the willingness to get close to others and feel secure in the relationship; avoidant attachment style, which is the effort to retain control of one's life by maintaining a certain amount of distance from one's partner; and anxious/ambivalent attachment style, which is an effort to maintain high-levels of  closeness and love in context of anxiety over rejection or abandonment.        
There are also different styles of loving, like Ludus, Mania, and Pragna.  Ludus is a playful love, Mania is a possessive, dependent love, Pragna is a logical kind of love.  It's kind of fun to think about what kind of love we have with our significant others.

In class, we talked about same sex attraction, and talked about what might lead individuals to make this decision.  Some studies have shown that a lack of a male figure can lead to this, just because that's all the child really knows, the tendencies of a woman.  Relationships with parents and children, if intimacy is there, the children won't try to look for it and maybe end up finding it destructively.  In The Family: A Proclamation to the World, it says that gender is an essential characteristic, both in this life and throughout the eternities. People may feel like they are missing affection, and when they find it, they cling to it.  Just a list of some things that could lead to this decision are: missing affection, rebellion, ignorance, blaming themselves for problems they see within the home, it is getting more and more acceptable in the world  and many more.  I wish there was a way to teach all those the Gospel and show them the things that are missing in their lives.  Maybe that would change them, maybe not, but at least they wouldn't just be ignorant of the knowledge that everyone should be entitled to.  Heavenly Father made man for woman, and woman for man, and that in the way the Plan of Salvation, we know that marriage is between a man and a woman, and we need that to receive exaltation.

Men vs. Women.  The main role of men is to provide, and for women it is to nurture.  Women are more expressive; men are more long term and women are more immediate.  Here's a pretty good question that people seem to have forgotten about.  Why is it necessary to have both a mother and a father?  In class, these are some of the things that we came up with: there's a bond there that needs to be there, such as daddy-daughter and so on; there's balance; mothers have separate strengths than fathers, and fathers have separate strengths than mothers, and both are needed, they complete each other; it beautifully prepares children for marriage; and it helps us to be more perfected.  Children are entitled to have both a mother and a father.  There are things that each can teach their children, and to not have one of them means that the children won't learn little things that they could have learned if they would've had both parents.  Personally, I cannot imagine how my life would be if I would have grown up without either my mom or my dad.  They each taught me different things and they each were a different influence for me.  I feel for the poor children who don't know anything other than having just a mom, or just a dad, or two of one or the other.  There needs to be that balance of a mother and a father.

It is important to have a strong foundation for a family, so that family can build and grow.  It starts with the parents.  The parents need to have a loving and strong relationship with each other.  The strength of the parents' relationship can effect how the children are raised.  Love and care between the mother and father are more important than with the children.  Without a strong parental unit, the family isn't as strong as a whole.  Think about it, did your parents have a strong relationship?  If they did, wasn't the family unit stronger?  Also, if they didn't, could you see some of the problems you had and maybe your family wasn't as strong?  If you are parents, think about your relationship with your spouse, and look at how that is effecting the rest of your family.  These are important things to be observant of and to recognize.  How do we want our families to be?  It all starts with your relationship with your spouse.  Cherish him/her, and make that love you have for each other strong and everlasting.  The stronger the love between the two of you, the stronger your family unit will be.

Many children of God will suffer greatly because we aren't willing to invite them into our homes.  When we limit the amount of children we want, we could be denying those spirit children to enter into a worthy, safe, and Gospel home.  The spirit children could end up in less fortunate homes.  We talked about this in class at the beginning of the semester and I think it's an important subject.  Many woman today either don't want children at all or they only want a certain number.  Isn't it a commandment to multiply and replenish the Earth? Weren't we women given this amazing gift to bring children into the world? In my opinion, I think it is kind of an insult to not use this great gift we have, and to succor only the needs of ourselves.  Not only is it selfish, but it is against the will of God.  There are those that are physically unable to have kids, and if they do their lives could be in jeopardy  but for those women who are able and don't, i think it is really sad.  Those who want children but can't have them, are more blessed than those who can have them, but choose not to.

In class, we talked about feminine and masculine tendencies.  This was an interesting topic. Gender is an essential characteristic in The Family: A Proclamation to the World.  We talked about feminine tendencies which include: express emotions, verbalize more, more observant, relationship oriented, cooperative, and able to be aware of many things at once. And Masculine tendencies include: upper-body strength, spatial oriented, protective and instinctive, more aggressive, more physical, competitive, and very focused on one thing.  We also talked about how opposites attract.  I believe that opposites do attract, because when we find someone that is opposite of us, they kind of fill that void.  Of course if you don't have anything in common, obviously that probably wouldn't work out, but I think it's good to find someone that has strength where you are weak, and vice versa.  Thinking about all of these tendencies and things, why are these things ordained of God? Why do you think gender is an essential characteristic?

In class today, we talked about how someone's attitude towards a family crisis can affect the outcome.  I believe in that.  We can look at things in good ways and in bad ways, and I believe that the more good we see in things, the better our lives will be and things will have a better outcome.  Even though it is hard for families that go through crisis, I believe it is important to try to look at things in an eternal perspective, and try to see things the way our Heavenly Father might see them.  A lot of people ask "why is this happening to me, to us?" but maybe our Heavenly Father has a special purpose for why things happen to us, and I think it is important to keep Him in our thoughts and remember that there is a greater purpose, even if we don't see it.

I find it interesting how families can actually become stronger when they go through a crisis.  When we are faced with a big problem, we pull together to get through and to try and solve whatever is going on.  Most people would think that family crisis would pull the family apart and tear them down, but it's just the opposite.  Through hard times is really when families come together the most.

In class last week, we talked about the different trends happening in the world today when it comes to relationships.  Some of the trends are: increase in divorce, increase in premarital sex, decrease in marriage, increase in cohabitation, and a decrease in the amount of children people decide to have.  I found it amazing how all of these tie into each other.  Increase in cohabitation would essentially lead to increase in premarital sex, not getting married, not having as many kids if any at all, and if they did decide to get married, there's a higher chance of them getting divorced.  Studying all of these in class has been fascinating to me, because one decision, like cohabitation, can lead to all these negative effects.  I think it's very important to have moral values and stay away from the dangers of what could happen by succumbing to these trends.  One point that really hit me is the trend of not having as many children.  It was a big discussion in class, if we decide to have only a certain amount of children, like having only two instead of more, are we depriving the spirit children from obtaining bodies?  What are your thoughts?

This is my first blog ever, and I'm excited about it.